this is childish

but really i feel that you fucked with me and my head yesterday. we had a good day together. for the first time in a while. and i was happy about that. really happy. but then i got on myspace today to see that last night you took me from number one to like number 5 and put her before me. i don't care that your brother or best friend M are before me. but her. that makes me so sad and angry and i don't know dissapointed. in you. i thought it was true when you said i was your best friend. cause you sure are mine. but you put your new girlfriend up that fucked. and it cuts deep. i've spent the last 5 years of my life around you. doing nothing but loving you. no matter what. and you're pushing me out. i'm having your baby and you're pushing me out. you said it'd be better if i went and lived in NYC but that would just mean you think life would be eaiser without me. ever. i'm hurt and angry and a million diffrent bad emotions in one. why don't you care. why don't you hurt at all. if you loved me so fucking much why is this so easy for you to do? i'm trying. trying to not thiunk of you and trying to see whatelse is out there but i have like no real intrest in anyone and if i did just a little bit they wouldn't return the feelings.

no one is going to love you, take care of you, and want to be there threw it all with you like i do. you're lucky to have me in your life. i know i messed up but so did you. i gave you a chance to redeem yourself. and you have moved on quickly. but shes not going to be as good as me. maybe she'll seem better at first but thast just lust. real love is hard but wonderful. real love takes care of you no matter what. real love doesn't care what you'll look like in 50 years or what your status in life is. stock boy or stock market. here it is and your blowing it all. real love isn't there just for someone to kiss or hold hands with or fuck. it's your heart connecting with anothers you said we were soul mates. i believe it. and once you do a good enough job maybe your soul mate won't care about you any more. ever. thats going to be a hard lonley life. and your biggest fear is alone. mines not to be alone, but to be alone without the one i truley love.