i cant breathe

i want my best friend back. i want to know he cares and loves me just as much as i do him. i want to hold him and i want him to hold me back. he does know and does feel it too but he acts like he doesn't care. i know you love me. i know at the end of this bumpy road you'll look at me and know that i am the one you do want to spend forever with. but i don't want to be on this road anymore. i want the bumps all gone already. i understand the pain i caused. i fucking HATE myself for it. i wish i could change my young dumb actions. but it happend. i can't. god i hate me. why did i have to ruin everything i wanted. why did i have to make my soul mate go. i just want to die. i love you and you told me you love me so just come be with me. we'll work it all out. we'll be the happiest people in the world. side by side. come kiss me and tell me that you love me and we can both say sorry for being so stubern and not listining like we should and acting like we shouldn't and we'll make it all ok. i cant feel this anymore. i kept trying to tell myself it was ok. a little bit anyway. but its not. you're not here and thats not ok. you're all i ever wanted and all i still ever want. i know you hurt. i hurt too. but lets fix it and be happy in eachothers arms. i feel like if you're not here soon i'm going to completley fall apart and lose it. i love you. i know you love me. so lets stop this. just come home lay next to me give me a kiss and tell me so.