i thought

a boy was kinda cute last night. but not really. i've kinda always thought he was cute but he seems to dirty to even get next to. it freaks me out. i'm the cleanest person whos ever walked the earth. then i left and didn't think about him anymore until this morning when i had a dream about the kid. i think i was simply blocking my mind from the fact that i couldn't find david because he never called to say he wasn't comming home and he turned off his phone.

i let him know that i made sure that his little friend knows that if she wants to be here in the next 8 months shes going to be a step mom. which i hate. i hate that our ego will never know what it's like to have mommy and daddy together. i love him though. i will always love him. i hope that i make a good parent. i was good with madi when i had to take care of her but really i can't remember what it's like to come close to an infant. how to change a dipper nothing. i can't rememver. will i be ok at it? i'm scared. but i love that baby. already.

i'm tired and i just want to sleep all the time. i got so dizzy yesterday. i almost threw up then passed out. it was weird. it was like i had been twirling really fast but it wouldn't go away and it seems to be comming back right now. it's weird. my mom said anything can happen when your body is going threw dramatic changes the way mine is. did i mention that I don't like vanilla right now. ali says that i do but ego DOES NOT. the smell and tast both make me wanna throw up. real bad.

i feel like everyone is going to read this and i don't know. i want to write forever. i need to go pick up and notebook and pen set. that way i can write no matter where i am or what i'm doing. ok i think i do have to throw up. so i must leave it at that.